toaster oven style smores and a good round of catchphrase. WINNING combination.
if that wasn't enough: i did that with my new, BEAUTIFUL roomies.

great start to a week :)

..

My Savior

My Healer

Redeemer, that is who You are

Creator

My Maker

MY FATHER that is who You are

You are everything, Jesus. my EVERYTHING.

missing them.

.......

i know. i have a lot of updating to do. i promise im not a slacker. i can't wait to have time to sit down and share about my INCREDIBLE summer. more in depth post to come. for now, im just missing these sweet friends and wishing the Lord didn't have us apart... but trusting Him that He has us all right where we need to be.

today

just a few sobering thoughts the Father gave me today:


-He has no variation.
-He defines me and in Him I am identified.
-He desires my reality, not my ideality.
-He is my ONLY source of energy
---- He is relational with me when I dont feel like being in community with Him-----


those were pretty clearly recieved today.

sorry i've been so slack about updating. maybe i'll get on tomorrow and do a little catching up. love you guys.

ouch.

sadddd. yea i definitely wrecked my car this weekend. It hurt me.. and my car. I'm frustrated. It was my fault. I feel AWFUL :(. But Easter Sunday, couldn't come at a better time. After Saturday, I was so upset.. just down in the dumps at the outcome of what i thought would be a relaxing, fun weekend. Sunday came bringing great joy and the greatest reminder of the LIVING, FORGIVING God. WOW at His timing in my life. Just wow. Praise Jesus that everyone came out unharmed.. just bruises and cuts and soreness. He's so good to me!

...

.we are Yours

we are Yours

we are Yours, we are Yours, we are YOURS.

we are Your sons and daughters and You are our Holy Father

all our fountains are in You

we open wide our mouths and YOU fill us.

we are Yours.

I am His. I am His. I am HIS.

I needed to hear this. I needed to hear it so bad.

I'm in such a strange, new, different place with the Lord right now.

I'm having a hard week.

I'm struggling with being vulnerable with the Lord.

why? I dont know either. I wish I did. He IS going to be faithful in answering that question. He is going to be FAITHFUL in establishing new intimacy with Him.

I am his daughter. why am i struggling to receive that?

I am His holy child, I have been adopted by Him, HE CHOSE ME AS HIS.

I dont know. I can't tell you what that is doing for my heart. It releases so many emotions. Its so good. Its so good. It's so humbling. His arms are around me.. ME. ME! whatttt?? that is insane. I've known it. But its fresh. It's true. It's sinking in. and is drastically changing how I relate to Him. I wish you could feel my heart. I wish you could watch my skin crawl. I wish you could see what He is doing to me.

I AM HIS.

Father, I AM YOURS.

wow.

im so sad spring break is almost over. well, that spring break IS over. even though I didn't get to go to a trendy beach and I dont have a killer suntan upon my return (ok so I really AM upset about that. i've gotta do something about being pasty), I still had such a great time! It was hard for me at first, seeing as how I've never NOT gone to the beach for spring break... and I definitely didn't have the best attitude about it. BUTTT.. i must say, things turned around quite nicely. The roomies and I loaded up in the car and drove to my house in Savannah and spent some time being touristy. We ate a lot, took a lot of pictures, and laughed harder than ever. We even took a day trip to Charleston. I had forgotten just how much I loved it!! Somehow in the midst of trying to show my guests every little cool thing about Savannah, I even got to spend quality time with my family. I miss them soooo!! I'm sad that I wont be seeing them for a while, 6 hour car rides are definitely not cool. but anyways, my spring break turned out just fine, even without the white sand, crystal clear blue water, hearing the waves, dinner at the red bar, getting really really tan, listening to jimmy buffet while sitting in the beach chair.. (ok i'll stop). i guess i'll just have to get my beach fix one random weekend. who's down?
so sad this week is over, but yay for almost being done with school.. and did i mention 48 days until camp? GET EXCITED!

what a joy she is..

had the best heart to heart EVER tonight.
with this beautiful girl.
she spoke such truth into me.
she RADIATES with His joy.
she is new from His mercy.
she understands grace better than anyone I know.
and basically i just love her to pieces.
yay for girl time that most definitely included: much laughter, good tears, lounging in pajamas, jamming out to caleb carruth, a photo shoot, and LOTS of Jesus.
i really needed tonight.
thank you, Lord!

ok. can you read that? it says THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU. i was looking through some pictures on my computer.. had some music playing in the background.. and I really just felt God's presence. weird right? yea. I dont know why but these pictures just really bring me joy. they recover moments when I really saw God clearly... they take me back to a time when God was so real to me and they remind of times when God's truth was so rich!! most of them were not even times when i was "looking" for Him.. they were just on regular days, in regular moments. He has showed up in funny faces, in sunrises, in best friends, in random scenery, in little children, and in the faces of my family. these pictures uncover a lot of emotions.. i found myself smiling and laughing, and even starting to get a little teary-eyed (true story=im a big ole baby). but really, they all make me so thankful that my God thought me WORTHY enough to have these moments to experience Him. He is all over the place. He is not confined to a church service, a quiet time, a bible study. He has come out of the box and I no longer want to limit Him to those times and places!! He has busted out of the confinement I placed Him in and He's all over my world!
ps (they may take forever to load. there are bunches!)

Jesus, thank you for giving us the tools and abilities to capture Your beauty. Open our eyes and allow us to recognize You.. both in the ordinary and the extraordinary. There is NO ONE LIKE YOU!

quick update on JEN!

super QUICK update (have i mentioned that im SO tired??)

Jen's surgery went smoothly. She went in around 5:45 this morning.. while they were in surgery the doctors not only removed the mass, but her thyroid gland as well. They also observed the areas around the thyroid where the mass had been and made sure that nothing around it looked different or harmed in any way, and it did NOT! PRAISE JESUS! The surgeon said she did EXCELLENT during surgery, and was hoping her recovery would be just as easy. The first time I heard from Jen's family she was jsut getting out of surgery (9:30am) and was about to go into recovery ... at that point they were told they would be allowed back after an hour or so. The next time they called (5:00 pm) they told me that she had woken up, but had gotten very sick and they were asked to leave. She's having a hard time speaking, so they are watching her very closely.. in fact, she was supposed to be able to go home today, but her doctors decided she needed to stay overnight to be monitored. So, the way I like to see it.. its better to be sick at the hospital with doctors all around than being sick at home! Praise God that He is in control!! The surgeons have assured her family that she is doing very well and they anticipate few, if any, problems. WOW! She has another doctors visit on Friday and they will HOPEFULLY be able to tell her whether her mass was cancerous or not. The head surgeon told her parents that from what he could tell, the tumor was NOT cancerous. so.. thats our latest prayer concern.. please pray specifically for the mass, and for the diagnosis she will recieve Friday!

i'll post more as I hear more. I'm sorry this may not have been as thorough as some of you had anticipated or asked me for.. I'm not real sure I relayed the message I got very well! so sorry!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all of you that have been praying and encouraging Jen in this situation. Thank you to all of her sweet friends who have been calling her and emailing her. thank you even more to the people who are my friends, who dont know even know Jen, but know that I care for her and love her, and for that being enough for you to care. It says so much about you and I'm so blessed to have such great friends!!! OH, and thank you to the people that know NEITHER of us, but know the God we serve and have helped encourage Jen in this! I LOVE YOU ALL!! I talked to her right before surgery and she was SO extremely HUMBLED by you guys and the blessings you have been to her!

PRAISE OUR JESUS THAT HE HEARS OUR CRIES AND PRAYERS.. AND THAT HIS MIGHTY HAND HAS BEEN ALL OVER THIS! What an AMAZING FATHER HE IS!

my favorite person EVER.

ok. so i have a lot of favorite people.. but allow me to introduce you to one in particular....

jen meet bloggers, bloggers meet jen.

(if you just ran across this blog and dont me or who is who, she's on the left)

excellent, now.. i have a favor to ask. pray for sweet jen.. she's having HUGE surgery this week.

pray for:

* HEALING! ..... that the mass will have already shrunk pre-surgery and its removal will be easier than anticipated! That whether the outcome is best OR worst case scenario, that she would have a SPEEDY AND FULL RECOVERY!

* her doctors.. that the Lord would guide their hands and nerves as they handle Jen's body.

* her nerves.. that the Lord would CALM her anxious heart and give her a peace (both pre- and post-surgery) as she deals with this difficult situation. Also pray that He will restore in her His joy and that with each nearing day she would feel His presence and security all around her! Pray that her attitude would CONTINUE to set an example and shine light on her love of the Father!

* her family.. that the spirit of fear that wants so much to settle in their home WILL NOT.. Pray that their extended family and friends will continue to bless them and encourage them as they continue to encourage, support, and love on Jen! Father, wrap your arms around them!

* her schoolwork.. Jen is in her final semester at UNC Chapel Hill and has big decisions ahead of her. Pray that the Lord's will for her will be clear and that His soveriengty would be displayed!

so. you've got the lowdown on what to pray for... I would love it if you'd take the time to lift those things up! We BELIEVE THAT HE CAN AND WILL do these things according to His plans..WE CLAIM HIS PROMISES IN THIS SITUATION! May He get all of the glory from this!

ps: feel free to leave Jen notes of encouragement on here!

".. and the prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well!!" james 5:15

i just want show you..

"you're my blue sky, you're my sunny day. Lord, you know it makes me high when you turn you're love my wayyyyyy.."

ok. allman brothers, thank you for the perfect song for today. blue sky. sunny day. and the Lord has turned His love my way. for sure.

sunshine. cool breeze. blue sky. short-sleeves and skirts. flip-flops and barefeet. good music. riding with the windows down...
no doubt that these things make a clear indication of the fathers love for me. He knows me. He knows that I LOVE these things.

This weather is a GIGANTIC invitation to commune with Our God. This weather is the kind when I feel like God is just nudging me to go out and play. I found myself begging God to let the light change from green to red so that I could sit and enjoy the weather longer... and boy is that different from my usual plea.. its usually "God please justt hold the green light ONE second longer, i'm running late!!". funny. its for sure that this weather does a number on my attitude. I just feel so at peace and at ease today. At bible study we've been talking about fighting for joy and how there are days when we literally have to BATTLE to maintain His joy in us. well..Today.. was the opposite for me. Today was one of those days for me when I just felt like NOTHING in the world could push me down, stand in my way, or steal my perspective. Nothing was blocking my view of Him today. It's amazing how clearly I see and interact and trust in God when everything is pretty. But I need this realization most on days when its yucky and cold and when life isn't going my way. Im so thankful that He creates days like today as a model for what His pure joy looks like, and what that can look like in ME! I'm so glad that He takes the "todays" in my life to illustrate how much of a difference my outlook is on life when I'm simply rejoicing in Him alone. Today, He reminded me that there is fruit that comes in the laboring pursuit of Him! Today, I remembered why I fight for joy! I LOVE TODAY!

Thank you Jesus for today. thank you for pulling me out of bed early this morning and allowing me to experience You by simply admiring and resting in the beautiful day You created.!

Come and listen

Come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord

Come and listen

Come to the water's edge, all you who are thirsty, come

Let me tell you what He has done for me

He has done for you

He has done for us

Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done

Praise our God for He is good

He has done for me

He has done for you

He has done for us

Come to the waters edge all you

Come and listen

Today has been so cold and wet.. just plain YUCK. But there's something about this weather that really moves me to Him. There's something so inviting about curling up under my warm blankets, closing my eyes, and sitting STILL in His presence. I found a great calm today as Jesus led me to the waters edge... as he led me to come and listen.

stamp of approval

:::CONFIRMATION:::

His stamp of approval has been more clear to me today than ever. I'm amazed at all the confirmation I'm recieving. His word, His people, His earth are all validating His sweet promise to me! WOWOWWWWW! i'm in shock.. how do I recieve this??????

"Confirm what You said to Your servant, for it produces reverence for You!"-- Psalm 119:38

"Gideon replied, "If you are truly going to help me, show me a sign to prove that it is really the LORD speaking to me..." --Judges 6:17

Thank you Jesus, for being the place I pour all of myself.. for being the Voice that is guiding me, for giving me discernment, and for leading me to make big, "grown up" decisions. This is NOT about me and I thank you for all the people You have placed in my life to remind me of that, and to encourage me in Your timing. Thank you for allowing me to step outside of what I want and the plans I feel best for myself. You know BETTER! You ARE better! Thank you for giving me patience as I waited to hear You speak and for giving me the wisdom and an open heart to recieve it when You did. Thank you for hearing the prayers and pleas of my heart as I beg you to make Your will clear. You are FAITHFUL! It's ALL ABOUT YOU.

meet my valentine..

yea thats right.

KEITH URBAN!!!!!

whatttttt! and yes.. we were that close to him. ohwamyagawsh. im still crazy excited. what a funnnnnnnn night. (so many funny stories. haha. i am laughing just thinking about them. thanks to william and katlin for being amazing, trusty men and helping us get out of the ghetto in huntsville.. ahh) i mean who cares if we did have to drive 4 hours and then drive 4 hours back at 12:00 a.m. yea..) SO WORTH EVERY PENNY and every minute of time. i had such a great Valentines (p.s: thanks to everyone who got me goodies and for all the stuff I had when I got home.. i just love it. love it love it love it. LOVE is what you guys are to me.. EVERYDAY!) ahhhh! ok. im going back to sleep. we got in bed around 3 a.m. so im really really tired.

sorry these pictures aren't that clear.. somethings wrong with my camera! bah. these definitely dont do him justice!

most scattered blog EVER award.

this is going to be scattered, but this is just a small summary of whats been going on in my heart and head these past few weeks. this isn't rocket science and these aren't radically deep thoughts, but they have had great meaning to me lately..

tonight, at bible study, we got into a really interesting conversation about grace and about brokenness. we began to agree that we all struggle with accepting grace.. even grasping the concept of it. it's tough and I know personally, its been something that I've had to allow God to just almost PROVE to me. That His blood IS indeed sufficient and that it DOES cover every sin.. past, present, future.
Grace is a lofty concept.
wait.. or is it? Do we spend too much time trying to analyze God and what He has done and miss out on what He did?
what do you think? tell me.
I dont know. I'm still chewing on it.
As we talked of grace, we shared about brokenness, about how we had or did feel broken in these past few days. It's so true what they say, "if it ain't broke you can't fix it". If we aren't broken, He can't mold us or remodel us. Keith Chancey shared this summer that we must go high to get low. So true. In order to ARISE IN CHRIST, we have to fall face first at the throne. We have to GIVE UP.we must humbly shatter the very image WE have of life, love, circumstances, etc, and say Jesus this is YOURS. WE HAVE TO TAKE ON His ideas and we must accept His identity as our own.
But we CAN'T stop there. We must allow him to heal us, to put our pieces back together. This is the hard part. I feel like we WANT to stay broken. myself included. We want to just say ok I'm broken! I'm broken!, while never giving God time to fix us. I know that for me, its hard not to wallow in pity and just wait for some miracle to come and change me or my situation. Instead of taking initiative and CLAIMING His truths and promises, we tend to just sit around and lolly-gag in our faults and in our struggles. NO MAM. NO SIR. NUH-UH. NOT O.K. (ha.. beth that was for you!!!! :).That is Satan feeding us a lie, he wants us to stay stagnant, to remain inactive. We can't just stop at being broken, we must CLAIM IN HIS NAME THAT WE will and WANT to be remodeled and reshaped for HIS GLORY. sure, its hard.. sitting in the waiting room.. walking through the desert is yuck sometimes. but its where He speaks tenderly to us. We must get off our bumpers (kamp woot woot), get out of our pity parties and ARISE and AWAKEN to our newness, the fresh life He gives!!!!!!
With that brokenness comes such freedom. Ok let just use this analogy, if a pot is broken, it can't hold water. ha crazy, i know. Its free-flowing, not contained. The same with our flesh and our sin.. when they are poured out, we gain FREEDOM. freedom is a beautiful thing and just saying that word outloud brings me such joy and peace. really. say it out loud right now. FREEDOM! its good. its priceless. matchless.. and we can ONLY get it from Him. It allows us to be real.
Speaking of being real (like I said, this blog is a scattered clump of what I've been soaking up lately), a sweet friend of mine said this and it really has stirred up my heart. really. like super intensely. ok. so she said "why can't the church be more broken??" she said this as she wept and shared of how what I have may have seen on the outside of her, wasn't the same picture I would see on the inside. Y'all. for real. WHY CAN'T THE CHURCH BE MORE REAL. we have PRIDEEEEEEEEEEEE. horrible disgusting UGLY pride. and im the frontrunner. I have so much pride. why do we think we can do this on our own. JESUS DIED TO SAVE US. How about we give Him some credit by letting Him do it. He wants to. HE ABSOLUTELY delights in it because that makes us more like Father and that brings Glory to HIM!
i mean, do you ever have a problem and you go to someone and they are like "just give it to the Lord, just give it to the Lord.." and while that is necessary and demanded of us, God also places us in each others lives as comforter.. . we are made to glorify Him and we do that by being Him to others. but so many times we are told to just supress that. WHY? that closes ourselves and our faults off to others and then they dont see the real us. We weren't stressing the fact that we needed to share our deepest darkest secret with the world or to have a person that we confess all of our sins too, thats why we have Jesus... but what we were communicating is that if all of us would stop trying to be these lofty theologians and start being honest with not only others, but ourselves about our dirtiness then we can be real. we can be free. not to mention how many unbelievers would finally feel comfortable after seeing us without the facade of perfection. they would feel welcome to be their selves and woudl be attracted to the redemption that we only get in Christ. when we take our shame to the cross, we can shamelessly ask of God and of others because we (and they) know that there we are not perfection.. that we aren't striving to be an "awesome" christian. but simply that we are learning to live our lives for the ALL-SUFFICIENT God and bring glory to His Holy name.
basically, it all comes back to grace. when we allow God to reveal what His grace looks like and really start to let Him cover us, then we stand blameless, pure! we stand FREE in Him. we stand full of the joy from Him. When we allow His grace to be enough, and stop letting sin or wordly things take the place.. we experience what it means to live BOLDLY in Him.
ya'll thats good stuff.
let our theology become our reality (thanks clo)
i love you guys.



Lord, You are all-knowing. You know the deepest pit of our souls and even in the tiniest crevice, you speak LIFE into us. Thank you for covering me with grace. Thank you that your grace is so big and rich and uncontainable, that it has seeking to know You more. Teach me to revel in it, to soak it up. You are mercy. You are grace. You are love. YOU SATISFY ME and what you did on the cross IS ENOUGH.

this junk is out of control.

i dont know why im even trying to write this blog. im not quite sure how i think im going to be able to put into words the things i feel in my heart. even just sitting in this quiet room, i try to put my thoughts into a collected, organized form and i can't. i just can't.
God is doing SUCH BIG things in my life. its strange. its all happening so fast. i can NOT begin to fathom what He is doing in and through me. and for me. man, is He ever doing FOR me. He is blessing me like crazy. and I dont mean with good friends or material things (even though He CERTAINLY has blessed me with the most wonderful people). He's blessing me with things that only I feel. things that He knows only I think about. things that only I would smile at. things that bring me UNIQUE joy. and thats good. it feels good.
I feel like He has finally produced discipline in my life that yields fruit. its craziness. and im so excited. so excited.
He's teaching me more than I feel like my brain can hold. But He knows I can hold it. He's using that new discipline to allow me to organize the situations that exist between my heart and my head. He's allowing me to comparmentalize each new truth and place them into specific areas of need, both in my life and in the lives of others --- while at the same time merging each one of those truths into one big, giant truth: everything for His glory.. and that is undoubtedly making me better, stronger, MORE LIKE HIM.
are you confused yet? ah. All i know is my life is changing. my network of friends is changing. my attitude is changing. my perspectives are changing. MY HEART IS CHANGING. and i like it. i love it. i want MORE.
its cool watching all of the new aspects of my life settle into place. I really can say that I've never been more intrigued with who God is and who He made me to be. But I will say, I WANT TO BE MORE INTRIGUED. more fascinated. more stunned.
He's good. REAL good.

a beautiful turn-around.

this day turned out to be much more than i expected. let me explain.


so i wake up this morning at 7:14. what? no FAIR! i went to bed at 1:00, so tired that I could barely keep my head up. I didn't have class until 11, so needless to say.. i couldn't WAIT to sleep in! But, God has a funny way of getting my attention. I woke up very anxious.. I think my heart was racing like 900 miles per hour (that could have been because my roommates and I watched "The Fog" last night.. umm AWFUL!).
The first thought that crossed my mind was how I needed a job. I need one bad. All I could do was think about how I'll soon have no money and that by the time I'll finally be able to get one, I'll be almost ready to leave for my summer stuff. My thoughts were NOT "Jesus, thank you for another day" but were "J-O-B? I need one! Maybe I'll get the one at Cafe Barista? but no, i dont have the right hours? maybe i should get up right now and go look... AHH! I'll NEVER BE ABLE TO find one!"
I started out so stressed. I dont know why this particular morning had me stressed about a job instead of the other many things I have going on, but that was the deal. I finally got myself calmed down.... No wait, He finally got me calmed down. It was like this cloud of promise came around me and I was at peace. I felt God whispering that He was faithful and that I needed to trust Him with my worries. It was much sweeter than it probably sounds on a "blog", and I can't really express to you how delicately, yet powerfully He spoke to me. It was one of the sweetest times I've had with Him lately. Thank you, Jesus!
So.. on top of waking up all jittery and anxious, I felt AWFUL... how could this be? Ya'll, i felt perfect last night! I was bee-bopping around like it was NO THING! But, all of my roomies have been sick so I figured I had finally come in contact with all the nasty germs in our apartment that I have been desperately trying to avoid. My back was KILLING me, my nose was pouring (im sorry!) and my eyes would not stop watering or itching. I was muchos frustratedos. ugh!
But.. like I said, His peace came to me and calmed my anxious, sick little soul. I got out of bed, made my way to class, for what I expected to be super bad. why you ask? I was supposed to give a speech.. how can you do that with watery eyes and runny nose. Im not sure? Well yes I am. God. I'm SURE He spoke through me. I got up there, started talking about my family.. and He just took over. I hardly remember being up there, much less speaking. But what I do know, is that I started speaking boldly about Him. about the gospel. about ways that He has blessed me and shaped me into who I am today. let me interject that I LOVE one-on-one Jesus talks. I could sit at a coffeeshop and talk scripture and God's grace with you until we were both doubling over.. BUT, I rarely ever get to, or even want to share when I'm in big groups... in a church setting maybe, but at work, in a meeting, at school? no thanks pal.
Well, I did. today. In front of my entire class. Our speech was supposed to be about us, our family, things we love to do, or even things we are involved with on campus. Well, He is all of those things. He is my family. He is the thing I love to be with. everything Im involved with is because of Him. I am who I am because of Him. and He spoke that clearly through me today.
A bunch before me, and lots after me shared of how "God is my first priority" or "my faith is the most important thing in my life" and "when I got in my car accident, it changed my life and I owe it all to God".
YALL IT WAS SO COOL. I was so encouraged by the things that were said. And to be honest, I was shocked. These people know God just as I know Him. They've experienced Him in ways that I could never imagine. I know that people at Encounter believe in Jesus. I know that people at Wesley believe in Jesus. I know that my small group believes in Jesus. I know that my accountability partner is a Christian. duh. of course they are. they go to "encounter every week", i see them "at church ever Sunday and Wednesday". BLAH. that is getting overly sickening to me. Its not about that. NOT AT ALL. I didn't know these people's church attendance record. I dont know how many verses of Scripture they have memorized or how many John Piper books they've read. I FORGOT ALL THAT. i got to see How he had LITERALLY moved in their hearts. That's what it's all about. thats what He is all about.
these people shared of hard times, of great loss. Most of their speeches proclaimed times when God's grace had become most real to them.
---wait, let me butt in here and remind you: THIS IS AT A SECULAR UNIVERSITY... THIS IS NOT A RELIGION CLASS. --
ok, let me continue. if you are even still reading. (sorry i know its long).
but, yall.. these people were living in the Spirit and proclaiming Jesus with PRIDE AND AUTHORITY in the middle of Public Speaking 1000. umm hello? my socks were knocked off. i cant even fully explain that classroom today. wow. wow. and wow.
it just confirmed to me what God has been pressing into my heart: AUBURN IS BECOMING THE CENTER OF SOMETHING HUGE. ya'll the speakers are right. Louie is right. Matt Dean is right: He IS indeed raising up a generation of believers that exist solely to Praise Him and bring great GLORY TO HIS NAME.
God is famous on this campus.

i'm not ending my day the same way i started it. im not going to bed with anxiousness. today i learned the very core of what it meant to trust Him. I got a beautiful picture of what it looked like to be a product of His love. I will sleep with the thought of His reliability and His faithfulness. I am remembering the cloud of promise He shielded me with this morning. Im remembering His gentle, "be still". IM GOING TO BED FEELING MORE PRIDE FOR MY JESUS THAN I THINK I EVER HAVE BEFORE. My day is not ending the same way it began. It may have started out rough, but it is ending very differently. Today has been a beautiful turn-around.


Jesus, YOU STUN ME. YOU AMAZE ME. You have placed my heart in a new state of awe. I thank you for days like today. I thank you that your favor has been found in Auburn, AL. I thank you for the leaders and the prayer warriors who have been interceding and praying for these days to come to Auburn. THEY ARE HERE. You have made that ABUNDANTLY clear. Their faithful and fervent prayers are being answered and I can't believe I'm part of it. You are stretching my heart farther than I ever thought possible. Allow me to seek You each morning with a worry-free heart. Continue to surround me with your cloud of promises and faithfulness and instill in me the ability to be more trusting, more humble, and more obedient to what you are calling me to.. Thank you Thank you Thank you. We want more.

..no matter how bad, I will NOT BE AFRAID..

so. brief update of the current happenings in lee-world:

*i just recovered from some horrible skin infection on my stomach and head .. they think it was kinda like a mini-shingles. ouch. gross, i know.


*my car is falling apart. Darla really can't take much more. In this year alone she has been wrecked (by my dear brother..), had her windshield knocked out (also Bennyboy..), had her air conditioner knobs broken (dont even ask me how), had her driver door completely come detatched.. not to mention after getting fixed, she was painted the wrong color. yes, Darla is now known as dookie Delores. she looks totally different. pleeease dont ask me if i got a new car? it will just make me upset.. she just has a new caramel (puke) tint to her. sick.


*my roomies dad (who happens to be my best friends with my parents) is still undergoing treatment for bladder cancer. he's run into some complications, and is now back in the Hospital.. but is overcoming it WONDERFULLY. we are now waiting to see if a doctor in Houston will take his bladder out and reconstruct him a new one. keep praying.


*school stresses me out. biology makes me feel really stupid. my teacher is soo... well, nevermind.


*i can't find a job and im slowly running out of time before my parents cut off funds. or atleast thats what they're saying.


* lets just be honest, i'm overwhelmed with life.


*** so now, have i complained enough yet? i think so. well, all i know is that God is good and He is totally taking care of me and those around me. Despite all the stress, sadness, and fear I'm facing, I feel really blessed. He has shown up to me in the most random, unexpected ways and has knocked my socks off with His love. He has placed so many caring, Godly men and women in my life. I am blown away that God has really given me such great friends. They have been His compassion, His smile, His hands, and His pure love to me. they have kept me accountable and have encouraged me with their gentleness, their kindness, and most of all THEIR LAUGHTER. man, I really can't imagine how people live without Him.
I was looking through my journal from about a year and a 1/2 ago when i ran across something that I had written that fits my present feelings:

..His arms hold me close. His embrace is my safe place. His mere touch brings me life.. and acceptance.. and hope.. and strength. He is God, He is sovereign. and no matter how bad, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID..

I wrote that like a year and a half ago.. WHO KNEW? who knew that God would use those thoughts and brave words to encourage me 14 or so months later. God has used that small little paragraph to reiterate what it means to rely on Him.. to trust Him. That last sentence is circled, underlined and surrounded by arrows and stars. WHO KNEW? GOD KNEW. He knew I would be back on that page, staring at that same sentence.. claiming the very words and thoughts he He gave me last year.
"..no matter how bad it gets.. I will not be afraid.."
Why? Because my God is not a God of stress. He is not a God of confusion. He is not a God of fear.

its good to be alive and breathing air again

take the time start a new

maybe its in front of you

take the time to walk down your street,

heaven only knows who you might meet

take the time to stop and stare

oh heavens beauty is everywhere

take the time to be ok, laugh a bit along the way.

so run into the fields, scream louder than you can

oh its good to be alive and breathing air again.

..robbie seayband..

if i could pick a song that would best illustrate the current situation that exists between my head and heart, it would be this.

its good to be alive and breathing air again

our first "dress up and dance" party of 2006!

"girls just wanna.. they wanna have FUN!..."

"oh mickey you're so fine.. "

rarrr.. "errrybody do the paris hilton".

kelly's "lets go to the hop.." routine

...

how lucky am i to get to live with these girls? i'd say pretty lucky!

but.. shhhhhh! dont tell them i put these up, they'll die!!

clap your hands, stomp your feet, lets all get funky to the birthday beat...

I LOVE THIS KID! and guess what, today is his BIRFFFDAY! whhhhhat! He is probably one of my favorite people in this WORLD.. i mean really, i'm not sure guy friends come much better than William. Oh William Parks, you are wonderful. What did we all do to deserve you? ha! you make life so fun! I'm so thankful for your friendship... You are man of integrity, and behold character that every man should imitate. I feel blessed to be called your friend! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

on another note: i went to my referral doctor today about the "sist" they found on my head and for the infection in my skin.. and they've got it all figured out and everythings under control! God is waaay stinkin' good! Mary went with me and on our way out of town we got to spend some time with her daddy! He's such an inspiration.. i love that man with every ounce of me... im so thankful that he's been a part of my life for so long!

i'm so glad its the weekend.. I love taking a break from school work! I hope your weekend started out as wonderful as mine! mmmmwah!

HOLY, HOLY, HOLY

"There before me was a throne, the throne of the Living God....and in the center around the throne were living creatures giving glory to the One who lives forever and forever... and Day and night, they never stop saying:

'Holy, holy, holy

is the Lord God Almighty

who was, and is, and is to come'...."

Revelation 4: 2-9

What a Holy night.

Have you ever been a part of something that was so powerful that it almost felt magical?

That probably sounds strange or silly if you haven't, but if you have.. you know EXACTLY what I mean and have probably jumped back to that moment in your mind. I dont mean to call how I experience God magical, because God is not magic.. he's simply.. well, GOD!... I mean that moment you' d like to just sit and wallow in.. one that you desire to lather up and savor. Not an emotional, or a mountain-top-hallelujah- experience, but one of great clarity. A particular time that has really defined how you see and even relate to God. A place when you can almost physically feel God shifting your goals and desires and making them fit His mold. A moment when you see the AWE of God.. when His majesty is on FULL DISPLAY. The place where you really feel like God has given you just the SLIGHTEST glimpse of what His throne room might look like. umm.. and this "moment": only a glimpse. thats just... WOW. I'm so thankful for these moments. I'm closing this day feeling honored to have had another such "moment".

Tonight, simply put: God was made MUCH of.

It can't be described, and I guess in all actuality, it shouldn't be. Not described, rather passed on, replicated, and LIVED.

Dear Jesus, may these "moments" now become my life.

...back here baby..

you forgot about BBMAK didn't you? SHAME! not me...

.. i will stand up for you, no matter what you're going through

im still on your side

any time day or night, dont care if its wrong or right.. im still on your side..

or

..until your back here baby,

miss you, want you, need you so,...

come back here baby YEAAA..

so i know what you're probably thinking... "how old is she, really?" well. im 20. so that answers that. and i have NO shame.. im a boy band fan. you probably are too, just admit it. so as i sit here and sing along to my boys (bbmak, backstreet, nsync, 98 degrees, lfo.. you know..), im reminiscing about the old times. i miss them A LOT. the roller rink, ice-skating. spend the night parties, swimming parties, cookouts, push-pops, treehouses..man. anyone want to relive the good old days with me? oh innocence.. life was so easy back then.

yep. thats little lee. sometimes i wish i was that little me again. Ya know when you hear people share about a "child-like faith".. thats what I want. I want to go back to the time when i didn't fear, because I didn't know how... when I was honest because I had nothing to lose.. when staying in with mom and dad was cool just because no one did anything else. a time when i didn't care that i had mud and markers on my face and gum in my hair. when there was no such thing as "being cool". when walking barefoot was acceptable. Innocence is such a beautiful thing. There is such purity and holiness that comes with innocence. There is opportunity for growth in innocence, no pride that shakes you. There is respect and reverence that comes out naturally, simply because that is what we were made for. I want to believe in Jesus, and LIVE in Jesus like that again.

.I love being Yours.

WOW! there is SUCH pleasure in trusting in Jesus. im not even kidding. what a fun, much-needed-stressless day!
I woke up to find a sweet care package from my mom with a simple sticky-note message that read"i love you and miss you.. you're on my mind even as you read this!".. wow. i love that lady!
This morning, I had brunch with Sydney at Big Blue Bagel.. ahhhh.. I LOVE HER. She is such an encouragement to me. It was nice to have a moment just to listen to what is going on in her life and step out of whats been going on with me.
later.. mary and I grabbed coffee and did a little shopping. Old Navy was having a HUGE SALE! I am now the new owner of black pants, two shirts, and a pink zip-up.. all to the tune of only 25$ (thanks also to my super-mom who sent me a 10 dollars off coupon in her sweet package!)!
Mary and I decided we hadn't had enough fun yet so we took a little joyride around Opelika and Auburn. I love looking at houses, i feel so grown up! ha. It was nice to laugh and sing and just be our normal fun selves (which we haven't really been up to doing lately).. then Mary and Kelly and I decided to cook a big dinner.. fried chicken, hashbrown casserole, greens.. ahh all the good fixins! it was YUMMMMM. we had such a good time (even if one of our dinner guests.. aka: MATTHEW MORGAN.. has anal glands that are OFFICIALLY the most rank things EVER).


ok so you are probably like WHAT? I didnt need a run-down on your day. I know you didnt. I wrote this to show that God was all over my day. His face was around every corner and His blessings were in EVERYTHING I did. And I know that is a result of surrender. He just wanted to remind me of what it felt like to give up, and let go.




so.. Thank You Jesus for showing up today. Thanks for placing a caring thought inside my mom, even though she's finding it hard to be cheerful right now. Thank you for allowing time for Sydney and I to just laugh and laugh this morning. Thank you for Beth's phone call. Thank you for the sales at Old Navy.. you know just what to do to make me smile! Thank you for random roadtrips with Mary and for allowing us to take time to step outside of what is going on in our lives. It was such a blessing to be in the no-worry zone for a while. Thank you for our wonderful time of fellowship tonight. I love being Yours.

all i want is You.

all i want is my frustation to be replaced with signs of spring

all i want is confirmation that you're gonna see me through this thing

all i want..all i want is you

all i want is just a window to let me know there's light outside

all i want is confirmation that what iim feeling isn't righrt

all i want is that you'd find me and i'd have nothing more to say

all i want is pure reflection of the one who's standing right in front of me

-..the Robbie Seay Band..-

lets just be honest...God is taking me through some things that I just plain out DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Things are going on around me that I just dont know how to handle. I feel really unprepared, unequipped for this latest challenge.

no matter what, I WILL TRUST. I trust He knows better than I do.I believe that He is all-knowing, righteous and powerful. I will choose not to worry or to seek control. I will lay my fears and doubts at His feet, for I know that my surrender renders His glory. I know that even though I feel unprepared for this new season of my life, I believe that God is Sovereign and that He has prepared for such a time as this. I commit to interceding and to being a listener, a comforter, and a selfless friend. Though Im shocked, sad, and UTTERLY confused, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. I will believe in His words and rest in His promises.

He is faithful. "signs of spring" are coming.

a blessing.. an honor.. a privilege..

day 2 of the blogging experience:
so. most of you know that i've grown up an Auburn kid. ya know, the whole legacy thing of "my mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt uncle, grandmother, grandfather, and mailman went to school here". its true.. well except for the dad and sister part. my dad went to school at the "other" college in alabama and well, i dont have a sister. so.. anyways back to my point.. i KNEW this is where I wanted to go to college. in fact, i only applied 3 other places and that was just to say i branched out. I had my mind set on the "loveliest village on the plains". I grew up war eagle-ing, rolling toomers corner.. i BLEED orange and blue.. i've been coming to games since i was born.. I dont know, this place is just a part of me. so ok, you get that. well, when I was a senior in high school, embarking on my college decision making process, i pretty much told God what I was going to do. AUBURN. that was it. no ifs, ands, or buts about it. plain and simple ..i made it clear. well, for some odd reason, God worked out EVERYTHING to get me here. all the money, all the major/program stuff, all the parents fears of letting me go that far away from home my first year. EVERYTHING. looking back I dont really know how it worked that I TOLD God something and it happened. but that was His providence. My first year was REALLY hard. I felt really alone and really afraid. I held really close the 4 or 5 friends I made, and didnt branch out much farther than that. I was too scared. I even began to question if Auburn was the right place for me. I heard all the stories of my high school friends having all kinds of "fun" and I really wasn't able to relate. I think that intimidated me more than anything. I was SO prideful. I wanted to be able to relate, to tell them all these crazy cool stories about all the college fun i was having. I didn't want to admit that my decision actually may not have been the best for me. STILL I PRAYED. I prayed and prayed and prayed again that God would reveal himself to me somewhere in this town. well.. long story made short (well kinda).. He did. It wasn't until this year though... like 3 months ago. I never thought He'd answer to be honest. I had almost convinced myself that packing up and going home just might be the answer. I would just hop to and from schools until I felt I was in the right place. Again, I was just going to do what I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT. ugh! im such a loser! luckily, by His divine appointment, I was able to really see where He was leading me and what His will was for my life right now. IT'S HERE. THIS TOWN. AUBURN, AL. crazy i know. and this story has probably confused you more than ever. He actually had me where I had wanted all along. I wanted to be here just simply because HE was the very one who placed Auburn on my heart.. yes, even as a child.. because He knew it was right He knew what would be happening on this campus. He knew my desires., but prior to this, I had made it my decision.. my doings, not His. I hadn't given Him any credit. Even though this is where I wanted to be, I didn't allow Him to show me that. finally, He stepped in and His will became known to me during a special service at Encounter one night. After hurricane katrina, actually the very day after, we had church. and by church I mean blowing the roof off, real-what-God-intended-"church"-to-be-church. Matt, our campus minister, was ready to hold a special service (unbeknownst to him at the time just HOW special it was to be..) remembering and honoring those who were in the midst of strife in New Orleans, and other hard-hit areas. He began to speak that God was not a God of confusion, but One of peace (1 corinthians) and that He would not let this chaos and disorder defeat us. It was encouraging in a time of deep sadness and fear for our safety. But the most amazing time came when Matt felt the Lord calling him to take off his brand-new tennis shoes at the altar and lay them as a sacrifice for the King. He knew that the people in the devastated areas needed those dry, comfy shoes way more than he did. He began to challenge us (all 1000 of us) to take off our shoes.. no matter the name brand, the wear and tear, or the price.. and lay them at the altar as a sacrifice. I will not lie to you.. it was hard. I'm a girl and I LOVE SHOES. I was ashamed of how hard it was for me to take off my flip-flops, walk down the aisle and lay them at the feet of my Jesus. EMBARASSING. but the walk back to my seat is where God stepped in and spoke tenderly into me. I could feel the fuzzy carpet on my bare toes, and I looked down to see only my flesh. no fabric, nothing. just my feet. the first verse that came to mind was "how beautiful are the feet that bring good news".. how BEAUTIFUL WERE OUR FEET AS WE LAID DOWN OUR SHOES FOR HIM. tears welled up in my eyes and I just began to weep for my King. I saw precious women of Jesus lay their shoes down.. i saw big, tough God-fearing men lay shirts, books, bibles and shoes at the altar. and all across the room were BARE FEET. these bare feet that were the testament to our God. to our King. to our Redeember and Provider. and all they were were shoes. I saw North Face shoes, vasque boots, rainbows, reefs, yellowbox, nikes, new balance.. every kind of shoe you could imagine.. all laying at His feet. As we all began to sing and shout His praises after our amazing experience, God's favor began to fall on the sanctuary. God's presence was more thick than i have ever experienced. no retreat, no conference, no Passion,.. nothing compared to it. all for shoes. all to take what was on our feet to lay at His feet. This is when I knew that God wanted me here. I feel it an honor, a privilege, and one of God's GREATEST blessings to be a part of this community. Auburn is tied with Texas A&M for the number one public school with the greatest concentration of Christian students, and it is with great pleasure and PRIDE that i tell you.. these people are REAL. they are servants, leaders.. they are MEN AND WOMEN of integrity. a generation of believers. it is just a pleasure to be in their presence. CHURCH: IM SO PROUD TO BE A PART OF YOU.

God, you are soo good to me and I thank you that by your Divine placement, i am EXACTLY where I need to be. Resting in Your will is truly AMAZING.. and is nothing short of what you have promised me. May I follow you whereever it is that YOU lead me, and not trace my own selfish path. May I remember that it is not about Grace Campus, or Wesley, or any other organization, but it is about YOU. Thank you for Auburn, my amazing new friends and family, and the chance to see a generation that LIVES TO GLORIFY YOU. amen and amen and AMEN.

never say never!

i know i know. you're probably like, "lee is such a hypocrite! she said she'd never get one of these!"- CORRECT. i bashed blogs! I just didnt understand why anyone would ever want to write personal things on a website for lots of people to see... and other random sketchballs to find. eeeew. see.. I felt like the raw part of me that comes out in my writing was suited only for my.. and Jesus' eyes. In fact, it was my own pride that caused me to never start one of these.. i didn't want to be real.. with the worldwide web.. or MYSELF. I found that It would only be fake stuff on here.. that i couldn't write from the reality of my heart. Even as i sit here and type.. i wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Do I want to be accountable to the things I write? Wouldnt it just be easier to live all my different lives, put on all my different faces, and never be called out on that? Do I really know anything about things I am writing about? Will this really do any good? these are all fears of mine. butttt (yep here comes the big turn-around.. wait for itttttttt.........).. Jesus has since stepped in and allowed me to learn to be honest with myself.. with who I was.. who I am.. and who Im becoming.. and He's teaching me to be OK with ME. yea, like .. the REAL me. He's teaching me to open up, to trust, to allow people to lead me and to serve me. So.. here I BE! Its been hard.. but theres a pretty good chance that it might just be the most amazing journey I've EVER been on. No shame in the past, no unsatisfaction with the present, and no worries about the future. HE'S IN CONTROL.

Job 23:14 "So he will do for me all he has planned. He controls my destiny."

so. if im mad, you'll know. sad.. oh yea. . happy.. haha, you'll definitely notice. feel MORE THAN free to call me out.. im quite POSITIVE there'll be more times than not that you guys will need to hold me accountable.
come join me in this little blogging experience.. its gonna be cccrazy. ha.

Jesus, this blog is for Your glory. May it uphold the truths you teach and may it solely render Your honor and praise. I pray you would allow me to humble, quiet, gentle and real..please lead me by Your spirit, and NOT by my religion. Amen.