..no matter how bad, I will NOT BE AFRAID..

so. brief update of the current happenings in lee-world:

*i just recovered from some horrible skin infection on my stomach and head .. they think it was kinda like a mini-shingles. ouch. gross, i know.


*my car is falling apart. Darla really can't take much more. In this year alone she has been wrecked (by my dear brother..), had her windshield knocked out (also Bennyboy..), had her air conditioner knobs broken (dont even ask me how), had her driver door completely come detatched.. not to mention after getting fixed, she was painted the wrong color. yes, Darla is now known as dookie Delores. she looks totally different. pleeease dont ask me if i got a new car? it will just make me upset.. she just has a new caramel (puke) tint to her. sick.


*my roomies dad (who happens to be my best friends with my parents) is still undergoing treatment for bladder cancer. he's run into some complications, and is now back in the Hospital.. but is overcoming it WONDERFULLY. we are now waiting to see if a doctor in Houston will take his bladder out and reconstruct him a new one. keep praying.


*school stresses me out. biology makes me feel really stupid. my teacher is soo... well, nevermind.


*i can't find a job and im slowly running out of time before my parents cut off funds. or atleast thats what they're saying.


* lets just be honest, i'm overwhelmed with life.


*** so now, have i complained enough yet? i think so. well, all i know is that God is good and He is totally taking care of me and those around me. Despite all the stress, sadness, and fear I'm facing, I feel really blessed. He has shown up to me in the most random, unexpected ways and has knocked my socks off with His love. He has placed so many caring, Godly men and women in my life. I am blown away that God has really given me such great friends. They have been His compassion, His smile, His hands, and His pure love to me. they have kept me accountable and have encouraged me with their gentleness, their kindness, and most of all THEIR LAUGHTER. man, I really can't imagine how people live without Him.
I was looking through my journal from about a year and a 1/2 ago when i ran across something that I had written that fits my present feelings:

..His arms hold me close. His embrace is my safe place. His mere touch brings me life.. and acceptance.. and hope.. and strength. He is God, He is sovereign. and no matter how bad, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID..

I wrote that like a year and a half ago.. WHO KNEW? who knew that God would use those thoughts and brave words to encourage me 14 or so months later. God has used that small little paragraph to reiterate what it means to rely on Him.. to trust Him. That last sentence is circled, underlined and surrounded by arrows and stars. WHO KNEW? GOD KNEW. He knew I would be back on that page, staring at that same sentence.. claiming the very words and thoughts he He gave me last year.
"..no matter how bad it gets.. I will not be afraid.."
Why? Because my God is not a God of stress. He is not a God of confusion. He is not a God of fear.