Plan B- no such thing

ive started and stopped and restarted this little post around 85 times. explaining the situation, without making it a nine page essay is proving to be difficult. I'm not good at shortening stories, I like adding to them better. But here is my 86th attempt:

I had a plan. My plan was that I would finish all my finals, enjoy the last little bit of time with friends, and pack up and head home for 2 weeks of rest and relaxation. Then, I'd be back in Auburn to start school on the 22nd of May, I'd work, and I'd raise support and count down the days until I was back in Africa.

It wouldn't be a story if it didn't have a twist, right? Well, my twist was that I was really sick. I spent nearly a week in and out of doctor's offices. On top of it all, I was pretty certain I had a broken tailbone. Finally, after spending the first week of my supposed "rest and relaxation", in cold, sterile doctors offices we finally realized that there was more going on than we thought. At the end of that week, a doctor finally laid some claims as to what had been going on, and I was diagnosed with Pilonidal Sinus Disease. This was causing my sickness and the 'broken tailbone', was actually a "rapidly enlarging pilonidal cyst" that had to be removed immediately. So, into surgery I went. My cyst was much larger and much more infected than they anticipated, and so they prepared us for what sounded like a pretty messy time of recovery.

Usually, people are fully recovered after 12 weeks. Most don't walk until beginning of week 3, sit or drive until a month. Unfortunately, because my cyst was so out of control, they couldn't close up my wound and they sent me home with an open incision that goes from my tailbone to my lower back.

So, for me, every decision or idea I had prior to May 12th has been in question. It's been a rollercoaster, but its really been ok. I'm apparently super woman when it comes to healing, and my home nurses and my doctor can't believe the rate a which I'm progressing. My 4 inch long, 2 inch deep incision is closing up and I've been in no pain. NO PAIN! Praise God. This surgery is known as being pretty ugly, and to me, it's been virtually painless. That blows my mind. They prepared us for the worst, but as usual, God showed up and God showed off. He's unreal.

I guess it's not really the medical stuff that had me worried or confused. It's incredible how peaceful that whole side of the issue has been. I know its real, I know I have to deal with it from here on out, and I'm ok. Im really ok. (I can hear those of you that know me saying "something is wrong with her!"). Again, I'm in no pain. I'm walking. Im driving. I'm living life normally.

The hard part for me has just been understanding God's purpose in all of this. None of this was in MY plan. Ok, so I did ask for rest, and I have been laid up for like 5 weeks, but thats not really the rest I was hoping for! The doctor's didnt clear me for school and I didn't get to share those last precious weeks with my roommates who will move out at the end of this month. I didn't get to come home and tan and hang out with my friends. I didn't get to excitedly prepare for Africa.
In helping me get some clarity, friends and family have said "Don't even worry! This is just Plan B.. plan A didn't work out, so now we'll move on to the next!" I kinda went on with that mantra without looking back. I had accepted Plan B. Plan B was resting, healing, and maybe (just maybe) getting to go to Africa.I was really at peace with whatever came out of this new plan. If I was to go to Africa, I would be thrilled! If not, I'd press on knowing that God had me here for a reason. Again, I was really ok.

As you probably know by now, I finally got the doctors blessing to go to Africa, and I'll be there as planned. But I never knew it'd look this way or take shape like it has. Last week, as I was assessing my confusion and frustration with all of this with the Lord, a wave of peace came over me and I got it (rather, he opened my eyes to FINALLY see it). This wasn't Plan B. Plan B wasn't foregoing school, or missing my friends, or being bored to tears in my house. That was my idea of Plan B. But to Him, it was all part of Plan A. He knew all of this, and it was all part of his original, and only, plan for me. He never started over, and His Plan A never failed. IT NEVER WILL. Thats a promise I was glad to relearn.

I am humbled by the thought that He chooses to use me at all.. whether its in Swaziland or in Prattville. I don't care. I just want to be used. My real hearts desire is to quit all my Plans, A-Z and surrender and submit to the same plan He mapped out for me before time. He is a FAITHFUL FATHER.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the LORD that determines his steps" proverbs 16:9

thanks for being a part of all this. I cherish these friendships and I know for a second I don't deserve it.
to say im humbled is such an understatement.
Lee